


Every Single One of Them

by xswestallen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Almost Kiss, Episode: s04e01 The Flash Reborn, F/M, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 20:32:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15348156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xswestallen/pseuds/xswestallen
Summary: Set during 4x01 The Flash Reborn.Cisco and Caitlin reflect on everything that's happened since Caitlin turned into Killer Frost. Caitlin asks Cisco if he meant it when he said, “I think about all the memories I cherish most. You’re in every single one of them, Caitlin.”





	Every Single One of Them

**Author's Note:**

> I love KillerVibe with a passion, but have always struggled with fic ideas for them since I feel like their relationship is portrayed so perfectly on the show. But, I got this idea and decided to give it a whirl. Let me know what you think and if you'd like more KillerVibe fics in the future.

Cisco was glad to have Caitlin in his workshop once again. Since she and Barry had left six months, the room, and Star Labs in general, felt empty. There was a gaping hole in it's staff, just like the one in Cisco's life. Failing to retrieve Barry from the speedforce that morning has left Cisco feeling defeated, but, Caitlin coming back to Star Labs with him made him feel better. There was hope that he might get one of his friends back.

"You haven't changed a thing in here." Caitlin noted.

Cisco shrugged. "I'm a creature of habit."

"I am too. Though, more organized habits." Caitlin teased.

"So I thought, but that dive bar you were working at didn't look too organized to me. Unless, you mean organized as in organized crime, then I see it."

Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"How did you end up there?" Cisco inquired.

"Long story."

"I have time."

"No you don't. We only have a few hours before the Samurai demands to see The Flash." Caitlin reminded him. 

"Then let's talk fast." 

Cisco sat down on one of his work benches and patted the space beside him. Caitlin sat, but looked apprehensive.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Where have you been?"

"Around."

"If you're just Caitlin again, why did you say you weren't at H.R.'s funeral?"

Caitlin held her head in her hand. "Because, I was confused."

"But, working as a bartender enlightened you on during your identity crisis?"

"In a way, yes."

Cisco dropped his sarcasm and became serious, "Caitlin, please tell me what's been going on with you. I miss you. I hate that I haven't seen you in months. It hurts that you don't want to talk to me anymore."

"Just another way I managed to hurt you." Caitlin mumbled.

"What?"

Caitlin bowed her head and sighed. "All my life, I've wanted to help people, not hurt them. That's why I became a doctor and that's why I loved working with team. When I realized I was a ticking time bomb, a festering pool of evil, I was scared that I'd hurt everyone I care about most. In my desperation to stop myself from hurting people, I ended up hurting you all even worse than Killer Frost could. I'm sorry." 

A tear fell as Caitlin closed her eyes. Cisco put his arm around her, pulling her close against his side. At first, Caitlin was tense, but the feeling of his body rising and falling as he breathed calmed her. She relaxed and put her head against his shoulder. 

Cisco looked sorrowfully at her and asking, voice cracking, "Why didn't you come back?" 

"I don't deserve to be here anymore." Caitlin said flatly.

"Of course you do!"

"No, I don't." Caitlin half laughed, half cried. "Cisco, you're racked with guilt over trying to get Barry out of the speedforce because you missed your best friend. You did a good thing, yet your disappointed in yourself for not putting the city's needs first. Still, you weren't being selfish, you were being a good friend, a great friend. The kind of friend who'd do anything to help even when all hope seems lost. You're a good person. And I'm-"

Caitlin swallowed her words. She was too embarrassed to even say it. 

Cisco turned to face Caitlin directly. He put his hands on her shoulders. "You are not selfish, Caitlin. You're not a bad person." Caitlin shook her head in protest, Cisco spoke louder. "You are the best person I know. Ever since the day I met you, all you've ever talked about is helping people. When we were building the particle accelerator, you were the one most concerned about the ethical implications and pushed fake Wells to do risk assessments of how the scientific breakthroughs we were going to make could be used. Whenever someone gets hurt, concussion or little cut, you run to help. Being scared of Killer Frost doesn't make you bad, it makes you human."

Caitlin stared off into the distance for a moment. Cisco could see the gears turning in her head as she pondered something distressing, but didn't know what it was.

"What if," Caitlin whispered. "There is something that scares me more than becoming Killer Frost?"

"What do you mean?"

Caitlin clutched her chest. "Why is she inside of me? You have powers, Barry has powers, but it didn't change who you are. Both of you get to use your powers to help people without worrying about a dark alter ego taking over and causing mayhem. Why is that? What is it about me that caused the dark matter to manifest itself in this way? Is there something deep down in my subconscious, a desire to hurt people that I act on when granted a tool to cause the pain with?"

"You're not Killer Frost!"

"Aren't I?!" Caitlin yelled in frustration. "I don't know where she came from or how to keep her under control, all I know is she's part of me. That means there is part of me that worked with Savitar, tried to get Iris killed, stabbed Barry, and almost killed you. And you know what, it didn't make me feel anything! No remorse, not a shred of guilt. That part of me was happy to do harm, excited about using my powers for all the things I once feared."

Cisco looked sympathetic. He spoke in a soft voice, "But, Caitlin, you, this part of you, won. In the final battle against Savitar you turned on him and saved us. You proved you're stronger than Killer Frost."

For the first time in a long time, Caitlin smiled. It only lasted a second, but it made Cisco's eyes light up. 

"There was one time when I was Killer Frost that I felt bad for I was doing." Caitlin admitted.

"When was that?" Cisco asked.

"When you accidentally erased Barry's memory, therefore erasing Savitar's memory, and I came here to help you restore it."

Cisco remembered the day clearly. He and Caitlin were in this very room, building a device that would give Barry's brain an electric shock to reboot his memory. Julian was there too, they were all working together, and it had made Cisco sick with nostalgia for all the times he, Caitlin, and Ronnie worked together.

"You were full on Frost." Cisco recalled. 

Caitlin smiled again, thinking back to that moment. "And you made fun of me for referring to myself in the third person."

"You'd gone all 'I'm sorry the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now'." Cisco said in a sing-song imitation of Taylor Swift.

Caitlin couldn't help but laugh. It was the first time she'd genuinely laughed in almost a year, and it felt so good. Hearing it made Cisco realize how much he'd missed it.

When she stopped laughing, Cisco asked, "What made you start questioning your villainy then?"

Caitlin's cheeks flushed. She shuffled her hands as she answered, "Ronnie."

"I knew he'd break through to you." Cisco said confidently. "That's why I brought him up."

"I thought about what Ronnie would think if he saw who I'd become. When he proposed, he told me he loved me because I was the most compassionate person he'd ever met."

"Ronnie was the only person with a heart big enough to rival yours." Cisco thought aloud.

"I wish that had been enough for me to stop what I was doing and come back to you. But, by that point I thought I was too far gone. I told myself you wouldn't want me back, that you'd lie and say you did, but things would never be the same, you'd never trust me again, and how could you? That's when I remembered what you told be about Earth-2, how not only was my doppleganger a bad guy, but so was Ronnie's. It made me think, what if the two of us were destined to be evil?"

Cisco shook his head and squeezed Caitlin's hand. "You can't think like that. Destiny doesn't determine who you are, you do. My doppleganger, Reverb, was a bad guy too. For too long I let my fear of being like him control my life. Barry helped me understand that I can chose who I am and that the whole team would be there to support me. The same is true for you, Caitlin."

Caitlin froze. "I forgot about Reverb."

"Lucky you!" Cisco scoffed. "He still makes cameos in my nightmares."

"He's not the whole nightmare?"

"No."

"Then, what is."

Cisco looked deep in Caitlin's eyes. "You telling me that you never loved me, or any of us, and getting in that elevator to leave." He confessed.

"Cisco, I'm so sorry."

"I know you are."

Cisco buried his face in his hands. A chill ran down Caitlin's spin and more cold tears rolled down her face. She cried silently and replayed the day she returned to Star Labs as Killer Frost in her head. There was one part of that day, something Cisco had said, that she thought about all the time. She wasn't sure if it was a pleasant memory or an agonizing one.

"Cisco," Caitlin squeaked.

He lifted his head.

"As you were telling me about Ronnie and reminiscing on the good old days to try to make me more Caitlin instead of Killer Frost, you said....." Caitlin lost her nerve.

Cisco urged her on. "What did I say?"

"You said, that I'm in the memories you cherish the most."

Caitlin paused immediately after saying it. She felt stupid and wouldn't have been surprised if Cisco laughed at her. It was such a cheesy thing to be fixated on for months. Cisco probably forgot he'd even said it. 

To Caitlin's astonishment, Cisco said, "Every single one of them."

Caitlin's eyes widened. "You remember saying that?"

Cisco nodded.

Caitlin took a deep breath, filling herself with courage as well as oxygen, then asked, "Did you really mean that?"

"Of course!" Cisco replied as if the answer was obvious.

Happy tears were now cascading down Caitlin's cheeks. "My best memories are with you too."

Cisco raised an eyebrow. He didn't believe it.

"Every. Single. One." Caitlin emphasized. 

Cisco's confused frown transformed into a smile, like the sun emerging from behind a rain cloud. Caitlin mirrored his happiness. Their eyes met in an intimate way, communicating an affection they'd both kept at the back of their minds. Now, it was out in the open. Neither was sure who leaned in first, but the next thing they both remember was closing their eyes and getting closer.

Caitlin felt Cisco's breath on her skin and knew their lips were only millimeters apart. Her pulse was beating so fast she had the irrational fear that Cisco would hear it. Cisco's senses were overcome with Caitlin's scent. She smelled like home, comfort, and safety. He wanted to be as close as possible to her. The two people who'd become heavily guarded were totally vulnerable with each other. 

Their lips brushed in a brief thrill. Caitlin thought Cisco's lip felt like silk, while he'd liken hers to a flower petal.

Suddenly, a voice over the intercom made them both jump.

"Come to the cortex." Iris' voice said. "Wally and I have a plan for the Samurai robot."

Cisco and Caitlin avoided each other's eye. They both felt like they'd been abruptly woken from a dream. 

"We better get in there." Caitlin said, trying to sound casual.

"We?" Cisco asked. "So, you're sticking around."

"For now."

"How long is now?"

"Well," Caitlin reasoned. "Each new moment is now, so I'll be here for this now and tomorrow's now."

"And the next day's?"

"Every single one of them."


End file.
